Planet Fit-This-Burrito-In-My-Mouth

I joined a gym last week. I haven't joined a gym since I was in middle school and my red headed skinny friend convinced me we would have our asses in there every day. I think I went like 4 times after begging my dad to sign up for the 4 year commitment. This time, I was literally excited. I mean - I set my clothes out the night before and woke up before my alarm went off. It was like the first day of school all over again. I was giddy. It was the only thing I had done completely for myself since before my son was born. I walked in that place and told the chick at the front that I didn't even want a tour: Take my money. Now I have no earthly idea what I am doing behind some of those weights, but I walk around reading, like my grandma actually going over the Terms and Agreements to her Kindle, and hoping that no one will take my picture and turn it into a meme (my husband had to put that thought in my head, to add to my anxiety). I do my best to look like the dude they have pictured on the machines. My weight loss has slowed down, but I can feel myself getting healthier and healthier.

It is so liberating getting to walk out of my house everyday and turn off my life for an hour and a half.

I love the high you get from working out. I come home feeling like I'm ready to dawn my red Baywatch bathing-suit and break out the selfie stick (no, no, no). The high lasts until I am begging my daughter to stop biting everyone and my son has ripped every blanket and pillow onto the ground. If only I could strap them to the treadmill and let them run out some of that energy with me. Some may say "Take them outside and you can run together!" Thats great and all, but lets be real. Its 109 degrees in the summer time here. Its the surface of the sun everywhere you touch. I cannot frolic. I will die. A small part of me wonders if I attached a monster truck to the end of a fishing line and held out in front of my son, he would follow it for hours (mom dreams).

One day I will locate one of those wonderful gyms with child care. I will pray that if I sell them my left leg and 2 fingers, I may be able to afford that membership.