How I feel in FL

My order from GNC arrived!

We have decided to try some other products outside of Herbalife for our diet to see if we can improve our results. Keep the body guessing! Who knows if its a good idea or not, but I'm going for it. I bought Aloe vitamins and some supplement called CLA. Here is praying it keeps me pooping and losing the pounds. Momma wants a flat stomach for the first time in her life.

I mean, I'm tired of being fat. I have always been chubby at the least. When I was a little kid, I was always chunkier than most, not everyone, but most. It continued into being a teen, but some how, by the grace of God, I developed a nice enough ass and a great sense of humor and managed to maintain luck with the boys and stayed pretty popular. I wasn't prom queen, but taking pictures for the yearbook left me among the skinny and pretty.

I'm ready to not be fat! After taking my new pills for 1 day, I dropped 3 pounds! Nuts. I have a concert that I am going to in November and the goal is to fit nicely into a sexy outfit.

NOT ENOUGH TIME!

AHHH.

Forever Young.

Today marks 1 year since my husbands best friend passed away. We were friends before I started popping out babies, but once the kids came around, we didn't see him much. I don't know if that makes it better or worse for my husband. The last time I saw him, it was just after we had been fighting. He told me I had to hug him and forgive him. We hugged, shared a drink and then parted ways.

I'll never see him again.

I miss you, Luke. Until we fight again.

What are the rules to partying as a parent?

Ok. So I am well aware you don't party with your kids, but if you do be responsible. Don't get hammered. Don't drink until you are crawling with your baby. I get all that, but where does the line get drawn when the kids are away? Do parents ever get to put down the heavy burden and let loose without feeling like they are "too old" or that "I'm a mom, I cannot be seen doing this"?

My best friend and her husband have offered to buy concert tickets for my husband and I (incredible lifelong friends who are not just buying tickets BUT BOTTLE SERVICE). I am having an incredibly hard time accepting this generous gift and more importantly I'm struggling with if I am able to enjoy going out for weekend long concerts anymore. It feels so selfish.   I mean going to the gym for an hour and a half daily is all I can steal for myself already feels like I am taking from precious family time. I am constantly feeling like I am letting my husband down by not having the laundry folded the same day as it is washed because I am off pumping iron.

Is there ever a moment that you don't have to feel guilty as a mom? My husband is blissful in knowing he is a wonderful dad. I am constantly wondering if I am going to screw up and ruin my babies.

Oi. If only I could set my brain to dad mode and enjoy myself when a free, fun event comes to town.

#drunkmommy

50 lb mark

I did it. I reached my first goal. I lost 50 lbs! I want to celebrate with half a handle of whiskey and some pizza, but I may settle for a cocktail since its Thirsty Thursday.

My daughter is taking more and more steps everyday. She is reminding me that she turns 1 in a couple short months. How do moms deal when they are officially over the infant stage? My quarter-life crisis has me working my ass literally off, but I sometimes feel that the time I spend at the gym or doing research on healthy recipes has taken what time I used to spend nursing her. I see her holding her bottle, all independent, slowly turning into a toddler. As I lose the chunky butt cheeks, she will start to lose the chubby cheeks I love to kiss on that sweet baby face. WHYYYY?

Here is hoping that 50 lbs less of me will help me chase that soon to be toddler and make up for all the time I am using to get healthy now.

Lazy mommy

I let my laziness reach a new level today. I purchased shoes for my son that can be worn in both the water and are also sneakers. My reason? I DON'T HAVE TO FIND SOCKS FOR HIM TO WEAR WITH IT!

Thankfully my daughter hates socks and she doesn't wear sneakers (she doesn't walk), but my son required me to search for those tiny pieces of material that get lost the second I remove the tag from the store. We live in FL and if it were safe for him to run around in flip flops, we wouldn't be having this problem, but alas I have to protect those little feet of his. Do you realize how amazing Stride Rite is? My kids always walked earlier and could walk better in shoes than all my other girlfriends babies.

So tomorrow we are off to the park that has a splash pad because he can now go back and forth from the playground to the pad. I mean, I had to make sure that we use it for their intended purpose on their first time out.

Lazy mommy win.

My new toy!

My husband just bought me the Fitbit Blaze for my birthday (that is in 2 months and I really bought it. Shh! Don't tell him) and I f******* love it. It tracks EVERYTHING and has a chart to show you how lazy your ass is being. I, for one, enjoy using it to see how fast my heart rate goes during sex. How cool to look and see the exact moment you have an orgasm? Its the little things in life.

I'm hoping that my new toy will help me reach my goal of 100 lbs lost by December. My high school reunion will be sometime next year and I want to look better than I did when I graduated. Thankfully, my breasts are the largest they have ever been (thanks breastfeeding), but my stomach looks like I'm still 6 months pregnant (thanks 2 csections in 2 years and Moe's).

Mom/wife of the year

Now I question all the time how some moms do it. Like how do you keep a clean house, get a lesson plan in with your kids, no TV time, one Pinterest project and 3 meals on the table, all the while keeping a tight ass. Go ahead and F*** yourself. I can't manage to juggle 3 of those things even partially well. By the grace of God, I married a man who is a phenomenal cook. There is nothing that he cannot make taste amazing. Its a family gift. His father before him, passed it to him. Now when I cook (which I only have 1 meal to make a day for myself, but 3 for my kiddos) I manage to burn and under-cook, just about everything. I over season or forget to season at all. I also recently learned the difference between simmer and boil - 1 pot and my entire house smelling like smoke for a week later. Pinterest is the vain of my existence. I spend so much time on it looking at recipes I cannot make and projects I will never do. I can sometimes squeeze out some cute foot or hand art to give as gifts to family members. I'm trying. My house is always a wreck, but I am some how always cleaning it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Can't that apply to picking up my kids toys? I mean why pick it up when I know it will trip me tomorrow.

My husband is wonderful. He doesn't have any idea where the laundry hamper is, but he also doesn't care if I do either. He has no expectations for me beyond keeping our kids alive. Since he spends a third of his life behind his BBQ smoker, he only complains when he runs out of underwear or has to put on his white socks (the white socks have only been acquired through our years of using laundromat and some how getting other peoples socks).

The advantage to marrying your best friend is that there is no veil of secrecy. We knew all the nity gritty details and yet some how forgot it all and fell in love.

Planet Fit-This-Burrito-In-My-Mouth

I joined a gym last week. I haven't joined a gym since I was in middle school and my red headed skinny friend convinced me we would have our asses in there every day. I think I went like 4 times after begging my dad to sign up for the 4 year commitment. This time, I was literally excited. I mean - I set my clothes out the night before and woke up before my alarm went off. It was like the first day of school all over again. I was giddy. It was the only thing I had done completely for myself since before my son was born. I walked in that place and told the chick at the front that I didn't even want a tour: Take my money. Now I have no earthly idea what I am doing behind some of those weights, but I walk around reading, like my grandma actually going over the Terms and Agreements to her Kindle, and hoping that no one will take my picture and turn it into a meme (my husband had to put that thought in my head, to add to my anxiety). I do my best to look like the dude they have pictured on the machines. My weight loss has slowed down, but I can feel myself getting healthier and healthier.

It is so liberating getting to walk out of my house everyday and turn off my life for an hour and a half.

I love the high you get from working out. I come home feeling like I'm ready to dawn my red Baywatch bathing-suit and break out the selfie stick (no, no, no). The high lasts until I am begging my daughter to stop biting everyone and my son has ripped every blanket and pillow onto the ground. If only I could strap them to the treadmill and let them run out some of that energy with me. Some may say "Take them outside and you can run together!" Thats great and all, but lets be real. Its 109 degrees in the summer time here. Its the surface of the sun everywhere you touch. I cannot frolic. I will die. A small part of me wonders if I attached a monster truck to the end of a fishing line and held out in front of my son, he would follow it for hours (mom dreams).

One day I will locate one of those wonderful gyms with child care. I will pray that if I sell them my left leg and 2 fingers, I may be able to afford that membership.

Planet Fit-This-Burrito-In-My-Mouth

I joined a gym last week. I haven't joined a gym since I was in middle school and my red headed skinny friend convinced me we would have our asses in there every day. I think I went like 4 times after begging my dad to sign up for the 4 year commitment. This time, I was literally excited. I mean - I set my clothes out the night before and woke up before my alarm went off. It was like the first day of school all over again. I was giddy. It was the only thing I had done completely for myself since before my son was born. I walked in that place and told the chick at the front that I didn't even want a tour: Take my money. Now I have no earthly idea what I am doing behind some of those weights, but I walk around reading, like my grandma actually going over the Terms and Agreements to her Kindle, and hoping that no one will take my picture and turn it into a meme (my husband had to put that thought in my head, to add to my anxiety). I do my best to look like the dude they have pictured on the machines. My weight loss has slowed down, but I can feel myself getting healthier and healthier.

It is so liberating getting to walk out of my house everyday and turn off my life for an hour and a half.

I love the high you get from working out. I come home feeling like I'm ready to dawn my red Baywatch bathing-suit and break out the selfie stick (no, no, no). The high lasts until I am begging my daughter to stop biting everyone and my son has ripped every blanket and pillow onto the ground. If only I could strap them to the treadmill and let them run out some of that energy with me. Some may say "Take them outside and you can run together!" Thats great and all, but lets be real. Its 109 degrees in the summer time here. Its the surface of the sun everywhere you touch. I cannot frolic. I will die. A small part of me wonders if I attached a monster truck to the end of a fishing line and held out in front of my son, he would follow it for hours (mom dreams).

One day I will locate one of those wonderful gyms with child care. I will pray that if I sell them my left leg and 2 fingers, I may be able to afford that membership.

My Journey.

My name is Amber. I am a stay at home mother of 2, boy (2) and girl (10 months). I married my high school best friend. I recently hit my quarter life crisis and found myself asking about my purpose. I mean, there has to be more than just dirty diapers and chasing babies? I was slowly dying in my own pity and gained 100 pounds over the course of 6 years. I've struggled in some low places and I've also partied without regard. I live a great life, but I didn't want to die a slow fat death.

So here I am. 26. As of April, I started my 'lifestyle change' (the verbiage they use when trying to say this isn't another diet). Due to my extremely sedentary lifestyle, I started to shed the weight with some exercise and 2 shakes a day. My current weight loss is now 48 pounds. I've almost lost the weight of both my kids combined. It blows my mind to see the difference in my mind, body and soul.

You're all caught up.